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May. 24th, 2009

Anson/hope

anson_greene

Step Three - 3.4

"Everything is something you decide to do, and there is nothing you have to do." - Denis Waitley

Okay, I think I understand this one.

I didn't have to drink. I chose to drink. I didn't have to beat the shit out of that guy in the bar and end up on probation. I chose to do it. Okay. I get it. If my life is a fucking mess, I can choose to do something about it or I can choose to keep on doing what I'm doing and end up dead or in prison or back in the institution but we won't talk about that.

I'm trying, you know? I really am. My probation ends next month and I've been doing real good with not drinking and I'm just gonna try and focus on getting better and not fucking up anymore. I mean, I've come a long way. I've backslid a lot and really come close to losing everything, but I can still look back and say, I've got a life worth fighting for. I've got a home, and a solid income. I've got friends and people who love me. People who want to see me be the man I can be, and not some drunken idiot looking for trouble. I've got my brother, even though he's not around so much these days.

I've got Arthur.

He loves me, and he believes in me, and even if everything else went away, I know he'd still be right there by my side, loving me and trusting me to make the right choice. For me. For both of us.

Muse: Anson Greene
Fandom: Moloney
Word Count: 250

May. 12th, 2009

Ready to Run

the_deathofme

Extra Prompt - No blaming.

"Edward, you've got to stop doing this."

He looked up at his brother and raised one eyebrow. "Stop doing what, Emmett?"

There was a sigh as Emmett licked the rest of the blood off his lips and glanced behind him at the dead grizzly. "You've got to stop blaming yourself for that girl. Whatshername."

"Bella Swan."

"Yeah, yeah." Emmett perched up on a rock next to Edward, who was standing immobile. It had been Emmett's idea to take Edward hunting, figuring that another round of attack-the-cougars couldn't hurt any, especially since Edward was back into his broody-mode. It seriously made Emmett consider talking to Rose, just to see if maybe she'd consider breaking down a few walls with some nice, loud sex. That way, Edward would have to stop being so noble and just give in. Either change the girl into a vampire, or kill her like he wanted.

Edward sighed. "I know what you're thinking, Emmett, and it won't work." His hands slid into his coat pockets as he turned to face his brother. "I don't want to kill her anymore, either."

That got Emmett's attention. "Okay... so change her, then. Edward, we talked about this."

"Yes, and I'll tell you the same thing I told you before. No. It's the same thing I told her, as well." He pushed off the rock and looked down at the dead cougar by his feet. "I'll not make her into a monster, the same as me."

"But you can't stay away from her, either," Emmett pointed out, wondering why Edward was suddenly so fascinated with his food.

Edward stroked the dead animal's fur softly. "No. I can't."

"Look, if she wants this, then don't you think she gets a say? What if she wants to be a vampire? Big deal, you make her one. Carlisle and Esme would be happy if you found someone. Hell, I'd be happy if you found someone, the way Rose found me." It was all pretty simple in Emmett's mind, at least.

"You want me to change her into a monster, this girl I've come to love, and not blame myself for it?"

Emmett shifted a little bit. "Well... yeah."

"I'll get back to you on that." And with that, Edward took off running. Emmett never caught up to him.

Edward Cullen
The Twilight Saga
384
Please comment HERE

Feb. 4th, 2009

(Don't) Trust Me

the_deathofme

Step Seven - Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Who will you be if your addictive shortcomings are removed?

"Edward."

I looked down at Bella, asleep and talking again. It was like this every night. I would follow her home while she wasn't aware of it and then slip undetected into her bedroom, sit on the chair and watch as she tossed and turned.

My name on her lips was like heaven and hell at once, both condemning me yet giving me hope that Bella perhaps, could love a monster like me.

Once she became aware of my presence, she asked for more, though, and I would lie on her bed, holding her in my arms as she slept while I remained awake, ever watching.

Mine. She was mine, I had decided by that point. How utterly selfish of me to think so, and yet I was not about to tear myself away from her. I would sing Bella's lullaby to her whenever she asked -- and sometimes when she didn't. In my arms, the warmth of her blood and body was easier to bear than her scent, the one that always called me forth and brought murderous thoughts to my mind.

How can one want to both kill and love the same creature?

I would ask the Almighty for help, but how can there be hope if vampires have no eternal soul?

I am damned to love and destroy her, this creature that is mine and no one else's, this girl who loves me so unselfishly and should not. She should run from me and instead she clings tightly to me, causing me to rethink my entire world.

"Edward."

I stroked her hair as she spoke my name once again and wished for the thousandth time that I was human. To be human for her, for then I would not be able to harm her in any way. Of course, what sort of man would I be if I was human? I'm not the best or noblest of vampires, despite what Bella thinks of me.

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Edward Cullen
The Twilight Saga
457
Please comment HERE

Feb. 3rd, 2009

maggie_ford

2.2 Serenity prayer

Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

When I was 8 months pregnant with Sam we finished the nursery. We knew we were having a boy, so we painted the walls a soft blue. The ceiling we painted with clouds sprinkled with glow in the dark stars. As if it was yesterday, I remember standing in the doorway looking at the empty nursery. The furniture had not yet arrived, so I stood lost in the depth of blue on the walls, the grain of wood in the floors, and the stars glittering on the ceiling. They were just coming to life as the sun set darkened the room.

“It’s perfect babe,” Nate came up behind me and whispered the words into my ear. He was right, in that moment, everything felt perfect.

Nathan and I moved out of the house on the same day. It wasn’t too long after we buried Sam. Our son’s illness emptied us. In the end, we had nothing left for anyone, especially not each other. So I convinced myself to find the serenity to accept the things I could not change. I could not make Nathan feel, I could not restore in him what Sam’s death had taken away, and most of all, I could not get him to stop drinking. I attempted to find the courage to change the things I could. I let Nathan go.

The day we moved out I found myself standing in the doorway of Sam’s room. The walls were the same shade of blue but now they were peppered with things that go – trucks, cars, motorcylcles, airplanes, rocketships. The ceiling, well the ceiling was the same. Those glow in the dark stars still shimmered with light as the sun set. The room was empty again. Same as me, same as Nate.

Looking back, I realize I had it backward. I let the wrong things go. And I did not have the wisdom to know the difference.


//
Maggie Ford
Leverage
340 words


Feb. 2nd, 2009

mabofwinterdark

7.4 Accepting your flaws vs. asking a Higher Power to remove them?

They are both just an excuse most of the time. An excuse not to change or an excuse as to being too weak to do it yourself.

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Jan. 29th, 2009

maggie_ford

1.2 Powerless

I wake up because I can hear the keys fumbling in the lock on the front door. I hear the metal against metal as the key scratches around the knob, the jangling of the ring as it hits the cement of the stoop. I stay in bed, curled on my side, these sounds are familiar.

I don’t even realize I’m holding my breath, until I release it slowly as the bolt unlocks. The front door creaks open, his feet shuffle across the wood floor of our entry way, then the door closes with the thud of a body falling against it. I’m shivering from the inside.

My eyes are adjusted to the dim light of the bedroom, so I can see him clearly leaning in the jamb of the doorway. His breathing is uneven, same as his stride and he stumbles toward the chair in the corner. I lay still, consciously trying to keep my breathing steady. I’m playing opossum, like I’m asleep. He slides off his shoes and struggles out of his shirt and for a moment I think he’s going to pass out in the chair. But he doesn’t. He runs his hand through his hair and his forearm under his nose. He pulls his pants off over his feet and makes his way into the bed.

I feel the warmth of his side against the back of my spine. Just before he gives into sleep he pulls me into his arms. It twists me up inside that he's holding onto me so tightly at the same time he’s slipping away, and I’m powerless to stop him.


//
Maggie Ford
Leverage
Note. Predates show's time sequence.
270 words

I'll be clinging to a saving hand

aamods

STEP SEVEN



STEP SEVEN


6. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Prompts

1. What are your shortcomings?

2. Who will you be if your addictive shortcomings are removed?

3. "To be aware of a single shortcoming within oneself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in somebody else." -The Dalai Lama

4. What is the difference between accepting your flaws and asking a Higher Power to remove them?


You must have completed at least one of the prompts from Step Six before answering here. One of the above prompts must be answered before your muse may move on to Step Seven.

All prompts must be at least 150 words.

Thank you.
Tags:

maggie_ford

introduction


Hi, my name is Maggie.
The addiction, it's not mine. Well, the addiction to alcohol is not mine, it's his. The addiction to him, I guess that's mine.

Jan. 25th, 2009

Anson/regret

anson_greene

Step Three - 3.2

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Step 3.2 - Boundaries are necessary for recovery. Discuss what boundaries you need.

I need boundaries. I know, big surprise. Last to know and all that. Or maybe I've known all along, and I just couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. I've spent my whole life fighting against them, against anyone who tried to tell me what to do. I grew up that way, with rules, with regulations. Step out of line and you knew it, and you had a nice long time in a very quiet room to think about it. I hated it, and I resented it, and the minute I got out of there I made my mind up that nobody was ever gonna tell me what to do again.

And then I joined the Marines.Collapse )

Muse: Anson Greene
Fandom: Moloney
Word Count: 687

Jan. 6th, 2009

[Fred] Just so tired

onlywantstostay

Step One

"If you are brave too often, people will come to expect it of you."

I guess just about every time I've been brave, it was 'cause I had to be, to protect someone I loved. Except when I got infected. I was only brave that first day, not because I wanted to be or because I thought it would help me beat it, but because I knew that if I gave up - and it was real hard not to, believe me - the boys would break, and I couldn't do that to them. Until Wesley took me home, and I knew he'd love me no matter what, and I was so grateful because I was just so tired. I stopped being brave, I gave in, I gave up, I let him see how scared I really was.

But then I got better and he got worse, and I knew that if I didn't act brave again, it would kill him. Of course, he died anyway, so a whole lotta good being brave did me, or him, or anyone, and I decided then that I was done being strong, done being brave, done being a hero or even trying to be. You don't have to be any of those things in a lab where you control everything, so that's where I stayed.

Of course, there was still the world outside, trying to draw me out, put me back in the fight. I think that's why I started smoking again. When you're high - well, when I'm high - nothing really matters, you don't have to care. And I didn't want to. If I didn't care, then I wouldn't have to fight or be brave. I could just be, on my own, plain little Fred walking her own path without anything else being dependent on me. Except that wasn't true, I still had responsibilities, but the more I smoked the more I forgot that. It was comforting to just float and finally forget the pain that comes with losing everything you held dear, to not feel obligated to protect anyone.

But I forgot that I hadn't lost everything. There were still people who cared about me, and as much as I wanted to hate them for bringing all of this down on me, for trying to bring me back to a world I wasn't ready to return to, I couldn't hurt them. And when I almost did, well...

I guess that's why we're all here, isn't it. To remind ourselves and each other that we don't have to feel obligated to brave for them. It's enough to know that we can be, if necessary.

Fred Burkle
Angel
442 words

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